Trust Issues In Long Distance Relationship? There are a lot of people in long-distance relationships. In fact, it’s been said that 14 to 15 million people in the U.S. consider themselves to be in long-distance relationships.
Long-distance doesn’t necessarily mean international, but the distance is there nonetheless; several hours apart, a few states apart, across the country and even different countries completely, long-distance relationships are everywhere. And not everyone knows how to handle the struggles of being apart. And there are a lot of people who have trust issues in a long distance relationship.
Jon and I have been at this (international) LDR for years now. Although we are not perfect, and in no way do we claim to be experts, I still do get asked a lot of questions from others in LDRs and I wanted to try to answer some of those questions based on the knowledge that I do have, from my own experiences.
I’ve hand-picked some of the most common questions I get asked and wrote down a few really good ones for my list, as well. I’ve decided to answer one or two questions at a time, to keep the reading at a minimum (I ramble!).
Keep in mind, my answers are not to be considered answers for everyone; every situation is different, as is every person and personality. That being said, here we go!
How do you trust the other person, being so far away?
Trust is obviously important to just about everyone, as you want to know you can trust all of those in your immediate life. Whether it be a relationship of friends, family, work or romantic, trust is necessary for a working relationship of any kind.
But…trust, in an LDR is absolutely vital!
Naturally, in most, if not all, new relationships it’s almost common to have doubts and it rings even more true in an LDR.
In a long-distance relationship, you only have a persons word, which isn’t much for a lot of people to feel secure with, especially in a new LDR. Although we want to trust the other person, I think it’s unnatural for that trust to come automatically. Trust can be slow. But trust should be organic.
Trust Issues In A Long Distance Relationship, From Previous Relationships
When Jon and I started our LDR, I had my trust issues. I’d question him on what he was doing or where he was going, and he gave me explanations to it all. Yep. His ‘word’. When I still wasn’t sure if I believed it, thanks to my own personal issues/past, he would (without being prompted):
- Call me via video call and show me exactly what he was doing
Send me a location pin,
- to show me exactly where he was, or where he was going.
I could literally watch this live location pin for 1 to 8 hours if I wanted to (no.. I never watched for 8 hours!). Yes, he gave me his word to go on but then gave me so much more.
Jon was serious about our relationship and he made me feel at ease. No matter the time of day, if I called, he answered. Can’t sleep? He’d answer. Bad dream? He’d answer. A random out-of-the-blue call? Yep. He’d answer.
Trust Issues In Long A Distance Relationship, Gone?
How long did it take for me to trust him completely?
After just a short while of him reassuring me, over and over, that I don’t need to worry, my trust in him blossomed. Still, every once in awhile, when I’d get my undies in a bunch and ask him some silly hormonal question, “Who were you on the phone with??”, he’d always answer and it would all make sense. And, being the thoughtful man that Jon is, I’d get a screenshot of his call records, incoming and outgoing, down to the minute that I questioned him.
I’ve never asked him for proof of anything, he just always wanted to assure me so that I could relax and feel better about whatever that was bothering me.
I’ve never had a ‘gut feeling’ that he couldn’t be trusted, I always knew it was something within me, which a lot of people can relate to. Pain from previous relationships can linger, but Jon always worked to put my mind at ease, even though it wasn’t his fault.
His word is golden. I don’t question my trust in him. I don’t question anything at all. We could literally go hours upon hours of not talking and I wouldn’t bat an eye at his loyalty. Nor would he for mine.
So, now that you can see how my trust became what it is now, I hope you understand how it happened naturally and why it’s important to get that reassurance from your partner when you have a moment of jealousy or even genuine concern. Anyone who has nothing to hide will literally open their lives to you; phone records, text messages, email, passwords, etc..
So, yes, it’s ok to question them
They have to expect questions! And the same goes for you. It’s natural to need clarification, proof and answers. You are not wrong for needing those things. HOWEVER! Please keep in mind…if they’re doing everything in their power to show you that they’re trustworthy and you continue to push them, you may lose them. A rubber-band can only take so much before it breaks.
Always trust your gut and keep your love-blinders off, yet, at the same time, once you get the confirmation you’re looking for, move on. Trust grows organically and Trust Issues In Long A Distance Relationship soon disappear. One step at a time.
You can’t just pretend to trust someone because you ‘want to’. You’ll lose that mental battle with yourself in no time and you’ll be back to square one. It has to be genuine. Without it, your LDR will fail. If, after you receive all of the confirmation, reassurance and literal proof someone could possibly need from another, and you still have a hard time trusting…then maybe an LDR just isn’t the right thing for you…right now.
Take a breather and figure out if there is something you need to work on within yourself in order to proceed with an LDR. Long-distance relationships have absolutely no room for doubt if there is to be room for growth.
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